About EGERIA > Parish etiquette
These guidelines are intended for chrismated Orthodox Christians. If you are visiting an Orthodox parish for the first time, you may wish to read an excellent pamphlet by Frederica Matthewes-Greene, entitled Ten Things I Wish I Had Known, published by Conciliar Press.
Inform yourself about the local practice.
Speak with the priest or contact person for the parish you wish to visit ahead of time, if possible. Express your interest in attending and briefly let them know where you are from and perhaps who your bishop is. If you wish to receive Holy Communion, ask whether it is required that you go to Confession immediately beforehand, as this is the case in many places. Follow the local practice in all things.
Don't take your rule to another 'monastery'.
In other words, don't tell the local Orthodox that they are doing things strangely or wrong, unless you are REALLY an expert in Liturgics (not a self-appointed one), AND someone asks for your advice. There are national and regional variations you may know nothing about. For the sake of all, assume that the priest has his very good reasons for how things are done.
Stay Humble
Even if you are an accomplished reader, singer, cantor or server, please ask the choir director, ecclesiarch or clergy if your skills are needed. Be prepared to take it well if your offer is declined, it's not personal. Even the best singer can throw a choir off their 'game' if they are not used to having someone new sing with them.
Keep it positive.
It's quite simple. Don't say anything negative about your host parish at all. Find something nice to say about your experience and say it to someone at coffee hour, even if it kills you. This is not so you can look like a great person, it's because it genuinely makes people happy and lifts their morale -- especially in a mission situation. Too often we go straight to criticism mode, when a simple compliment can be repeated around the whole parish and give joy and relief to the priest and his family and community, knowing they have made a good impression on a visitor.
Offer support.
Make a donation to the parish and/or buy items from their gift shop, if you can. Even small gifts can help; and any offering sends a message of love and support to the parish members. Remember the community in your prayers.
